Is it the beginning or the end? A somewhat dramatic statement to make, and of course the more positive answer would be the most preferable. But this is what is on my mind at the moment. This blog post will be fairly un-book-related today, and instead follow a topic that is following me wherever I go as of present – and in fact has been for over a year now.
In 2013 I got accepted into university and it came as a complete shock to me, I was ready to hang up my education hat and take on the world of work for good. But no, my A-Levels somehow managed to actually count for something (despite their seemingly awful grades) and I got accepted into my first choice! After a few months of finding my feet I fell into university life like I was made for it – making new friends, new memories and new experiences. It is safe to say that I have had the best three years of my life so far at university. The friends I have made have encouraged me to be who I am, I don’t need to hide anything and I don’t have to be friendly with people I don’t like. One of my favourite things about university is how different it is from school, its size means you don’t need to be friends with people out of limited choice. Of course I kept some friends from school and I always will, but I have also made life long friends here. My mum always says she has stayed in contact with people she went to university with the most – I hope to do the same.
I have also found my current partner through my university experiences and I am very glad that I have – we met on a pub crawl I wasn’t even meant to be going on. I am so happy to have been able to share this experience with him and go through the struggles and the joys of university by his side. I have just got back from a small holiday with him and my family and it has made me appreciate having him around even more. Excuse the soppiness of this paragraph, but he should get some credit for how happy my time here has been. We are very lucky to be in the same group of friends and to be valued in that group as friends and not as each other’s partners.
With regards to my experiences, I always think I need more grand and great experiences in my life. I always think that I haven’t done enough. But I think in going to university and meeting all of these people I have had a very long life experience that I will hold onto forever. I have learnt how to take care of myself and live independently. Unfortunately what I am worried about, is how this independence will influence me when I move back home. I am so used to doing everything for myself and being able to see all of my friends whenever I want to, but now with moving back home and not living near all of my friends any more – this is all about to change. I am struggling to come to terms with the end of this era, and I am in no doubt that I will go into a post-uni slum. I am already looking for places to live so that I can move out of home, and whilst I have managed to defy statistics and get a graduate level job, I don’t think I could afford rent just yet – with no student loan and no savings!
So it seems I am a bit stuck. I start my new job on Wednesday and I am terrified of how real this all is. No more late nights out at the student union events, no more films with friends until 1am and no more being able to see my boyfriend whenever I want (he now lives over 2 hours away and I work Monday to Friday). Life is changing and I am someone who does not like the change, I never have. I have moved roughly 12 times so far in my life and this year excluding moving out of uni I will moving a further two times. We are selling our longterm house and moving to a new area where the house we have bought won’t be built until November time, so we have to rent somewhere in the meantime so my sister can go to school.
I think I have to take a deep breath and just try to see everything as an opportunity, which of course it is, but I don’t know if it’s one that I am ready for yet. How do you know if you are ready for everything life can now throw at you? Where have the times gone that my mum would sit next to me in bed at 8pm and read me Harry Potter before I fell asleep? I have responsibilities and commitments now and I have to try to balance everything in my life without any help and that is scary. This post is not one for words of wisdom, but more of a cry for help – how do you do this? How do you get through the reality that this is not just a summer break, it is the end of university and indeed the end of an amazing era?